Posts Tagged ‘toy poodle’

Max sitting on Buddy's grave stone

I glanced out the kitchen window yesterday and discovered Max sitting on Buddy’s grave stone. It made me smile. Only a few feet away the chickens were scratching the ground under the bird feeder. When I collected the eggs I found one tiny egg sitting in the clutch. I had read that this is what happens when hens start laying  Small eggs come first. I have no idea how old my hens are – I assumed they were all pretty old. I guess I was wrong.

Three and one half eggs


Chickens at the bird feeder

Today I wandered around the yard with Bo. It is interesting how different Bo’s behavior is without Buddy around. Buddy never wandered when we walked. He would run ahead, but would turn around to make sure I was following along. When Bo joined the family he followed along pretty much as Buddy did. Now I discover that Bo was following Buddy, not me. Twice I turned around today only to discover Bo was no where in sight. He gets distracted while we walk and once I’m out of sight, he’s lost. He doesn’t seem to follow his nose the way Buddy could. Before Bo live here he was never off the leash. I’m learning that Bo was tethered to Buddy – not so much to me. I’m sure this will change in time. When I retraced my steps and called, Bo came running, clearly out of breath from dashing around looking for me. He was happy to be reunited.

Grandmother's lace

We wandered down to the water where the ice was forming. The ice looked so much like a lace table cloth I have that I had to dash back to the house for my camera. Then Bo and I made our way along the stream taking photos. It’s been a while since I did this. I’m glad I made the effort to get outside today.






Bo having a bad hair day

Ice Image 1


Ice image 2


Ice image 3


Ice image 4


Ice image 5


Ice image 6


Ice image 7


Ice image 8


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This is not the entry I had planned. In fact I had another entry nearly completed, but for some reason could not bring myself to post it. I had been struggling because I was not ready to move on from my tribute to Buddy and needed a transition that felt right. I wrote what I thought would work, but my inner voice told me to wait. Apparently I was waiting for the events of yesterday.


I don’t often discuss my spiritual explorations on this blog, but from what I have included, you will know that my beliefs are non-traditional. Part of my journey has taken me to Drunvalo Melchizedek’s books including his latest, Living In The Heart, which includes a CD for a heart meditation. I’ve listened to the CD numbers of times, but found his visualization just did not work for me – in fact I was so resistant to the method that I gave up altogether. I felt bad about this as I feel Drunvalo is quite accurate in his assessment that we access the spiritual realms through our heart.


Tuesday I stumbled upon another heart meditation which had the perfect visualization for me. All I can say is that I was instantly attracted to the method. There is an audio of this method, as well as the text. I listened to the audio version and followed along with the suggested visualization. When it came to the part about asking for help in a particular area, I asked for help in digging out my dark side so that I could bring it to the light and be free of it or them (as the case is likely to be). Now this was a very quick meditation – I was sitting at the kitchen table, Abbey my black cat was on the table weaving back and forth between me and the lap top, butting her head against me. It didn’t matter, this was only research from my perspective – a trial run, so to speak. I listened for the five minutes or so the meditation took, and that was it.


I will preface what I say next with the statement that I have been both marveling and puzzled over how smooth the transition has been from life with Buddy to life without Buddy. My intellect put it down to my belief in an after life – and my conviction that he is simply in another dimension, and might possibly still be around even though I cannot see him.


Still, I haven’t done much since burying him two weeks ago. Motivation is at a low. Mostly I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate, lain around in bed excessively, and been glued to the internet. (I guess this part was good since I found the new heart meditation).


To continue – yesterday I went out to put the chickens to bed, and as I walked back to the house I passed Buddy’s grave, and I said goodnight as I have been doing these past weeks. But this time a huge welling of pain and sadness came rushing up from inside – a pain I hadn’t felt since putting him in the ground. This persisted for the next several hours while I went through the evening’s chores, fed Bo, washed dishes, put out clean water for the cats. I’d have to stop and sob every once in a while, holding onto the counter so I didn’t just collapse. I did not want supper, so Bo, Abbey, and I retreated to the bedroom.


I sat in the bathroom for a while trying to figure out why all of a sudden I was grieving. Memories of Buddy standing at the bathroom door waiting for the signal to go get a sock for me to throw came rushing in. I yearned to feel his presence. I asked Buddy (and Spirit) to help me feel his presence. And then I asked Buddy to bark if he was there. Sounds crazy, I know. But I was somehow convinced he could do this.


I had barely gotten the words out when there was a sharp, high-pitched, bark from the bedroom. It was followed by cat noise – something like a cat complaint. Now the bark was not exactly Buddy’s bark, but it was a bark – clearly not at all a noise that a cat makes (not my cats anyway), and certainly not Abbey who only meows to be let into a room, and I am very familiar with her voice. This also was definitely not Bo. It was as if Buddy had barked through Abbey’s vocal chords. And then Abbey reacted. I knew without a doubt that this was Buddy. If you had been here you would have said, “what was that?” It was that unusual.


I put my pajamas on, and rolled up one of my socks and tossed it on the bed for Buddy. Then, before sleeping, I went through the heart meditation in my mind, and again asked for my dark side to brought into my consciousness. I also asked for a bit of healing for the cough I’ve been nursing for ten days or so now.


When I awoke this morning, I felt better. Clearly I had buried my sadness rather than experiencing it. As I thought about this, it dawned on me that that is part of the darkness – buried pain. Then I remembered the meditation. Could it be that the heart meditation had begun its work that fast? Certainly this pain was very close to the surface, and not difficult to bring up. But wasn’t it interesting?


Immediately I went through the meditation again, vowing to begin and end each day with this simple visual exercise. As I was meditating, lying back in my imaginary golden barcolounger, it dawned on me that I was lying on my back – something I couldn’t do the morning before due to pain in the lungs. Already I was getting better. Hmmm?


It is now mid morning and my cough is indeed much better. The metaphor of coughing up ‘stuff’ in the physical for the last ten days for needing to bring my grief out into the light does not escape me.


I don’t believe there are accidents or coincidences. This life we live is an incredible weaving of interconnections and synchronicities that give us direction and guidance (not to mention, joy) if only we open our eyes.


For this wonderful life, I am so grateful.  


Link to the Cosmic Awareness page and the Heart Chamber Meditation audio and text.  

You will notice that most of the information on this site is now free due to the nearing of December 21, 2012.


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September 12, 1999 – January 17, 2012

My beloved toy poodle Buddy died this week. I buried him Wednesday at noon under the lilac tree. His death was not unexpected. If you have been following this blog, you will know that he had a heart problem, and had slowed down over the last few years. I miss him and will go on missing him. He was the best of dogs – my constant companion – my best friend. I was so lucky to have had the last twelve years with him, and I have a treasure chest of memories to keep me warm.

These last few days I have been going through my photo albums, pulling out memories. Today I decided to indulge myself and post a memorial to Buddy. So for those of you who have followed  Buddy over the last year and a half or so on this blog, here’s a glimpse of the past.

One Dogs Life

One November day my life changed. Buddy arrived, unannounced – just a tiny ball of fuzz only a few months old. His first family, Robin and Doug brought him to my house and presented him to me. They had named him Buddy, after my Uncle Bud, their step-father, who had recently passed away. He was a gift too from Jon, Bud’s step-son, and Alison, his daughter.
Who could refuse a gift like this?

Buddy's first Mama, Robin. You know part of her wants to turn around and take him back home.

Here's Buddy checking out Doug's shoe


The love of socks started with this one

All his life Buddy’s favorite toy was a rolled up sock. He would bring me socks from wherever he could find them, clean or not.  When we visited my daughter’s, he would vanish upstairs to the boys’ rooms and reappear downstairs dragging a long dirty tube sock after him. How he loved socks.



I had a lot of cats when Buddy arrived. He got to know them all, but over the years he had favorites he loved to torment. Sometimes the tables were turned, and the cats did the tormenting – especially Abbey, my black cat. She would wind back and forth between me and Buddy making it impossible for Buddy to bring me his toy of the moment. Eventually Buddy would bark at her and she’d back off. Here Buddy meets Rupert and tries to interest him in a game of ball.


I fetch - you throw


And he had to share the bed with the cats (some of them) - I needed a spot too!


There were other things to play to play with - leaves!

And snow - what is this stuff?

And snow - is this for me?

Ribbons and bows! Buddy's first Christmas at Little Mama's


Not sure which is in worse shape - the frisbee or the dog

The first year I had Buddy, I started digging a fish pond. This was a major undertaking during which I learned how to lift huge boulders out by raising them inch by inch and inserting stones underneath. Buddy loved the muddy hole I was digging and had a lot of baths that summer.


Buddy is just about cat size now - here he is with Rupert and Toby


And here with Muffin

One happy dog

Out for a walk with the family at the arboretum - Buddy waiting for me

All aboard!


Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound

About this time my daughter’s family adopted a standard poodle. Sophie was a big dog and clearly dominated when she was around. Buddy figured out that if he walked around under her belly, she couldn’t drag him around as she was want to do. Unfortunately I never got a picture of this hilarious behavior. Here Sophie is visiting and the dogs are gated out of the living room. Buddy performs his levitation act, leaping from a standstill to a height well over his head. He would do this outdoors in the ferns, leaping up and down like a jumping jack, searching for his ball that had been tossed for him to find. He was a very focused dog and would search the entire woodland area until he found it.


Sophie and Buddy - Hey, that's my frisbee

The abominable snow dog


Buddy's favorite lap

There was only one lap Buddy would sit in, and that was my daughter’s. He would sit there and look at me as if pointing out my shortcomings. Buddy and Miranda shared the same sun sign. They had a very special bond.

Buddy - gloating


I had to get very good with my aim or I'd have to climb into the snow

Winters could be rough. The first time Buddy came in from being out in the deep snow I heard a strange rattling sound. Upon investigation, I found a mass of tiny snow balls hanging from the hair under Buddy’s belly. They rattled together as he walked. Playing in the snow usually meant a warm shower for Buddy afterward. Often the snow was so deep he couldn’t even get off the paths – but he tried, intrepid dog that he was.

Buddy and Simon investigate a mouse

Here’s Buddy with Simon. They have found a mouse and are very curious. This little mouse survived the inspection – no doubt in part due to the large spirit mouse that I discovered as I pulled out photos. (Quite amazing isn’t it?)

Is that a spirit mouse watching over little mouse?


I want to play too!

Many summers when the grandchildren would visit we would break out the croquet set. Our games never followed the traditional set up. The kids would put the hoops all over the yard, behind stumps, up the hills, etc. The main difficulty in playing, however, was the inteference from Buddy who insisted in dropping his frisbee on top of the ball we were about to hit. In the end we added a rule that if Buddy covered your ball with his frisbee, you’d get an additional hit. Here is Buddy bringing his frisbee over (note the croquet hoop at the bottom). The other is Matthew expressing annoyance – obviously before the new rule.

Just toss this first, will you?


Buddy was never far from the action - here we are getting ready for water balloon croquet


Nearing the top of Mt. Gap

Almost every summer we climbed Mt. Gap – a local mountain that allows dogs. Buddy always came with us and hung out under the blueberry bushes at the top while we picked berries.

Here’s the family at the summit of another local mountain.

Buddy posing with some of the family


Here's Buddy at Ogunquit


Buddy in his prime - at home


Safe under Jon's chair

When Buddy was about four, my daughter’s family adopted a Newfoundland named Njill. Although she has a gentle nature, her size was a little imtimidating. Buddy found safety under chairs, tables, or barricaded on the sofa.


He had no trouble making himself at home at my daughter's


Sweet boy

Some favorite photos including one of Buddy in his black bag on my kayak. He went everywhere with me, and would lie quietly in his bag under a table in a restaurant, or in a grocery cart, and on the floor at all the kids school concerts. Only once in his life did he ever make a noise and that was at one of the concerts

At the helm

where the orchestra was just too ‘off’ for his liking. He started howling which gave me and my daughter a case of the giggles. Fortunately my hand inserted into the bag was enough to silence him. He was really remarkable. No one ever knew there was a dog around. (I wouldn’t have taken him into public this way if he’d been a breed that upsets allergies.)


Morning Glories and glorious dog


A favorite expression meaning - did I hear you correctly?

Buddy was home groomed – can you tell?

Buddy under the lilac

I was glad to find this photo as this was a favorite spot of Buddy’s under the shade of the lilac. This is where I buried him.

Buddy and his new stroller

One of the first signs that Buddy was having problems was that when I’d head out for a walk, he’d sit on the driveway and refuse to follow me down the road. I modified my behavior to slow meanderings around the yard and into our woods. Our almost daily hike up the hill and down around the lake became a thing of the past. Eventually I invested in a dog stroller which allowed me to take good walks with Bo without leaving Buddy behind. I like to think Buddy was really happy to be on the road again. Here he is after our first walk. The second photo is us heading out this fall on a cold November day. Max is coming with us.

Heading out for a stroll(er) with Max And Bo (out of view)


Buddy in his winter coat


Bird watching

The last week of Buddy’s life he stayed indoors. I piled cushions up at the picture window, and we sat there together gazing out at the birds feeding on the seed I’d tossed in the snow. Bo was with us lying in front of the wood stove.

Our last week's hangout

It was a peaceful, quiet time of memories and loving. I carried him where he needed to go, and though his body was slowing down, Buddy still managed to let me know if he needed water, or to go out.
And then he was gone.

Buddy's grave

Buddy’s grave under the lilac isn’t pretty at the moment. I placed a large stone taken from the ground as a marker. Come spring I will make a new marker, and plant shade flowers.


Standing vigil

Wednesday afternoon when I went to the window I discovered one of the chickens sitting at the edge of the grave site, just staring at the grave. If you know chickens, you’ll know this is odd. Especially so since they are compelled to dig when in the presence of loose soil. This chicken was just sitting and staring. I don’t know when she began sitting there, but I watched her for a good five minutes  before another chicken came along and started digging. I went out then and moved them away. It is possible that she tuned into the emotions of that spot, or perhaps she was seeing something I couldn’t see. In any event, I thought it was lovely.


The gift

Thursday morning when I looked out, there was the black squirrel I’d seen several weeks earlier and had been wishing would return so I could get a photo of it. I’ve never seen a black squirrel before. Actually, I think it’s very dark brown, but appears black.  I’d been looking for that squirrel for days. I like to think Buddy sent me the squirrel as a gift from beyond.


Black and grey squirrels

Until I see you again, my friend, God speed.



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Today is Buddy’s birthday. Buddy is a white toy poodle and he is eleven today. I’ve been telling people for a year or so now that he’s twelve going on thirteen. Thanks to starting this blog and my desire to be accurate, I discover that he’s younger than I thought. This pleases me very much since he developed a heart problem this year and is on medication. He also developed asthma which made breathing difficult for him (and nearly gave me a heart condition every time he had a gasping-for-breath episode). Thanks to various drugs, everything seems to be under control. And now that I find he’s only eleven, I can shed my fear that he’s about to expire, and start manifesting some good years ahead for the two of us.

Actually there are quite a few more than two of us. I live with seven cats, and in addition to Buddy, I adopted another toy poodle about 16 months ago – Bo. Bo’s owners moved to a  no-dog-allowed apartment (it was the only one they could find), and with that plus other dog-incompatible issues, Mr. Bones found his way to my house, and is as happy as an old dog can be. I’m his forth owner, and according to our local pet psychic, I’m ‘his person.’ He certainly acts as if I am. He makes no attempt to leave despite numerous opportunities to run off (as I was warned he would do). I abandoned the dog run I set up on day two of his arrival. It was clear he wanted to stay. I live in the woods and his first time running completely free was a joy to watch. 

Yesterday dawned with a distinctly autumn feel. Buddy, Bo [I couldn’t hack the name Mr. Bones, so Bo he has become], and I headed down to the edge of the stream at the north end of my property to continue sawing up a fallen Ash tree before winter sets in. A year ago I bought a wood stove. I have oil heat, but when the ice storm of 2008 hit and I was without heat, electricity, and telephone, for three weeks, I was determined to avoid a reoccurrence. So I got myself a Jøtul. Thanks to the huge maple tree that came down on the house, I had enough insurance money for the stove, and plenty of wood for several years.

Every hardwood tree is potential heat, so I salvage what I can myself. The ice storm brought down dozens of trees in my yard. I’ve been cutting up the hardwoods ever since. I use a hand saw I bought from Lee Valley in Canada years ago. It’s a portable wood saw, and it works like a charm. I’m afraid to use a chain saw. The obvious reason being – I’d probably cut my leg off.

I spent some time clearing away debris and undergrowth around the fallen tree, and then started cutting off 18” lengths. Most of this summer I have spent outdoors. The weather has been hot, but glorious. Between tending the vegetable garden, cutting the lawn (a.k.a. weeds), and piling up ice storm debris to allow negotiating the property again, I have barely been indoors. My passion for being out in the open has become an obsession. So much so that I’ve taken to getting up at all hours of the night and early morning just to stand out under the stars. A few days ago I awoke to a cacophony of crows out by the pond across the road, so I raced out in my pajamas and slippers to see what the hullabaloo was about. I didn’t discover the reason, but I was bathed in the deliciousness of having the freedom to run outside at a whim with no neighbors to see or care. I am so lucky.

While sawing away at the fallen tree, the idea for a blog came to me. Ideas often come to me when I am doing hard physical labor, or asleep. I suspect they are related, but with no ability to turn on whatever happens that brings up the ideas, I simply take them as they come with gratitude. In any event, I was mulling over how passionate I had become about being outside, and was already bemoaning the fact that winter was coming and my days outside were numbered. Then it hit me – why stop? There was no reason winter should slow down the drive to be outdoors, or the ability. All that was needed were some warm clothes and boots, and a commitment.

So…I begin today as day 1 of my commitment to heading outside every day for a restorative recharging and balancing. Tune in tomorrow for more.

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